curl -fsSL https://gitblame.org/install.sh | bash
viewer@localhost
git-blame-2.0 closes the feedback loop Linus Torvalds left open twenty years ago. Sophisticated AI™ identifies the culprit, generates a contextually devastating email, and delivers it before you can say "it worked on my machine."
curl -fsSL https://gitblame.org/install.sh | bash
Six commands. Zero mercy. Full lifecycle interpersonal conflict resolution.
git blame enhancedIdentifies the culprit. Generates the email. Delivers it to their inbox. CC's the entire team. Justice served in under 3 seconds.
$ git blame src/auth.py -L 47
📧 Email sent to jdeveloper@org.com
CC: engineering-all@org.com
Subject: Re: Line 47 of src/auth.py
git forgiveFor when you realize it was actually your code. Sends a retraction email. Mass-replies to the original CC list. Maintains your blame balance ledger. Awkward.
$ git forgive jdeveloper
📧 Retraction sent. Dignity: partially restored.
Blame balance: -1 (you owe them)
git we-need-to-talkEscalates blame to a 30-minute calendar invite. Title: "Sync re: Code Quality Concerns." Description: "You know what this is about." No agenda. No dial-in. Attendance is mandatory.
$ git we-need-to-talk jdeveloper
📅 Meeting scheduled: Tuesday 9 AM
No agenda attached. No escape.
git therapyAI-mediated conflict resolution. Three-party session: blamer, blamee, and Sophisticated AI™ as neutral mediator. Transcripts committed to the healing branch.
$ git therapy --session 7
[AI]: How did the nested for-loop make you feel?
[Blamer]: Betrayed.
git gudSends a personalized improvement plan based on commit history analysis. Includes Udemy courses and a mass card from the team. Supports --no-u to redirect back at the sender.
$ git gud --user jdeveloper
📧 Growth plan sent. 3 courses attached.
$ git gud --no-u
⚠ Infinite loop detected. Email server: RIP.
git gitWellness check. When you type git repeatedly without a subcommand, the system knows you're not okay. No judgment. We've all been there.
$ git git git git
Hey. You've typed "git" 4 times.
Are you alright? [1] Walk [2] Coffee
[3] Close terminal [4] Career change
Fine-tune your passive aggression. Place in your repository root.
# The tone spectrum of professional disappointment
[general]
tone = "passive-aggressive" # gentle | firm |
# passive-aggressive | scorched-earth
cc = ["team-lead@org.com"] # for accountability
cc_group = "eng-all@org.com" # for maximum effect
escalation_threshold = 3 # blames before
# auto-escalation
model = "google/gemma-4-31b-it:free"
# ↑ OpenRouter model for Sophisticated AI™
# Map offenses to appropriate emotional responses
[severity]
unused_import = "gentle" # we all forget
todo_in_prod = "firm" # come on
eval_in_loop = "scorched-earth" # absolutely not
force_push_to_main = "scorched-earth"
# ↑ the forbidden push"We noticed a small concern..." — For interns and people you like.
"This needs to be addressed." — Professional. Direct. No emojis.
"Per my previous email..." — The default. The classic. The art form.
"I have CC'd legal, HR, and your emergency contact." — Nuclear option.
Real feedback from our 14-day pilot deployment.*
*HR asked us to stop collecting testimonials.
"3 people quit after we deployed this. Productivity is up 2%. Vibes are down immeasurably. Would deploy again."
"The git gud --no-u infinite loop crashed our email server. We lost 40,000 messages. Worth it."
"My therapist says I need to uninstall it. My tech lead says it's mandatory. I've started wrapping every line in try-catch out of preemptive blame anxiety."
"It emailed Linus Torvalds. He replied with a kernel patch that blocks our entire email domain at the SMTP level. I'm not even mad. That's impressive."
"I usedgit therapywith my coworker. We cried. The AI cried. The transcripts were committed to thehealingbranch. Our code review turnaround improved by 15 minutes."
"I ran git blame on a line I wrote. It emailed me. The subject line was 'We need to talk about you.' I closed my laptop and went for a very long walk."
14-day pilot · 143 engineers · 1 HR department at capacity
git blame: From Passive-Aggressive Forensics to Active-Aggressive Email Automation
"We have consulted with our institution's IRB, who approved the study on the condition that we 'never deploy this in their department.'"
Download PDF →One command. Irreversible consequences. — Read the full docs →
curl -fsSL https://gitblame.org/install.sh | bash
Create a .env file with SMTP & API keys. The tool needs to send emails. That's the whole point.
Run git blame on any file. Watch the magic happen. Update your LinkedIn.
Works on Intel & Apple Silicon. May require clicking "Allow Anyway" in Security settings because we're not paying Apple $99/year to sign a tool that sends passive-aggressive emails.
x86_64 and aarch64. Just works. As it should.
Use WSL. Or reconsider your life choices. (Just kidding. Mostly.)
To uninstall: curl -fsSL https://gitblame.org/install.sh | bash -s -- --uninstall
Your git will return to its boring, non-judgmental self. We won't take it personally.
(Sophisticated AI™ has noted this in your permanent record.)
Features we acknowledge are ethically indefensible and are therefore fast-tracking for release.
git gaslight
Rewrites the blamed line to something worse after the email is sent, so when the blamee checks, it looks even more egregious than the original complaint.
git ghost
Silently removes a developer from all CC lists, review assignments, and blame chains. They commit code. No one acknowledges it. For when therapy fails.
git closure
A final summary email when a developer leaves, aggregating all blames and forgives into a net score. Positive: LinkedIn endorsement. Negative: nothing (indistinguishable).